As an Agony Aunt and social psychologist working in healthcare you’d think when I had my miscarriages I’d know how to cope and where to get help. But I didn’t. For each miscarriage I felt alone and scared, and as I didn’t find much support from health workers I put on a brave face and pretended all was okay. It wasn’t. Pretending I was fine was a mask for having no idea who could help me. I shut my losses away and didn’t talk about them for many years.
Over time I started thinking about ways to improve pregnancy loss care, so other people might not go through what I had. I undertook research on how miscarriage affected partners (for the Miscarriage Association), taught healthcare workers how to find and apply evidence on the psychological aspects of loss to their own practice. And I continued to hear from lots of people going through loss via my advice columns.
I also began writing about my own losses, revealing things about how I’d felt or what I thought might have caused my miscarriages. The reactions to these articles was unexpectedly encouraging and positive. I decided to write a book that I would have liked to have when I lost my babies.
Coping With Pregnancy Loss is not designed to fix everything. Instead, think of it like a friend who’s been there, who knows how you feel, accepts everyone experiences loss differently, but can reassure you and point you to places to get further support should you need it.
When I’m not writing books, doing research and training in healthcare, or working as an Agony Aunt I live with my two sons, partner and cats in Sussex by the sea.
I hope you find Coping With Pregnancy Loss a comfort. If you have any feedback please get in touch.